April Showers
Posted on 01. Apr, 2010 by Laura-Jane - Whimfield in Personal
Snow is almost gone. Another Winter is over. Cam is 30. I am 28 now. Over the past eleven years we’ve loved, almost broken up, laughed, cried, screamed, glared, ignored, hugged, held hands, grocery shopped, brought orange juice when one of us was sick, were glad to see each other at the end of the day, supported one another, and so it continues.
And that is all I have to say today. When I am going through stuff I can’t tell you (you, world, internet) about it until it’s over. That’s the way it is with me, you know? It’s nothing big, I just live my little life and then I get to tell you the stories once I am through living them.
I feel good. Life is nice. I wish I could let my life flow through my finger tips but I am blocked; thus, I speak in cryptic sentences that don’t even make sense to myself.
That’s okay. If you aren’t sure how you’re feeling, just start typing, like I am doing now. Eventually, you’ll get somewhere. Like, right now, I am getting somewhere.
I am realizing that today is a good day because I can emerge from my self-imposed shell and blab on about nothing. At least I feel that free.
I can tell you that Cameron is outside and I am hungry and I am looking forward to a nice evening meal, eaten on the couch in front of the television. Even though we don’t have cable, we now have a television, on which we watch movies and mini-series. Yes, we are that technologically advanced.
Look, I can blab about movies and TVs and couch-dinners. I can blab about my toenails and plucking my eyebrows and anything I want because…well..because I can and so I will. This feels good. It’s cathartic. It’s a giant purging of my thoughts. We are constantly thinking and making decisions and living life and holy jeez it feels good to do this stream-of-consciousness writing and to not even care. I don’t care! ARGS! Look, I am mashing the KEYBOARD not because I’m angry but because this is the equivalent of letting it rip. Of getting smashed. Of being free. This is my outlet.
There’s no point, no moral, no great wisdom here. Just pure, unadulterated catharsis. I don’t get to use enough big words in my life. I want to use big words. I want to be smart. I want to be free. I want to be happy. I want to have clear skin. I want to hug my sisters. I want to pet a kitten. I want to eat a pickle. I want to jump on a bed. No, a trampoline. But not now. Some time when I have more energy. I want to be happy while munching a pickle and jumping on a trampoline. Some day I’d like to jump on a trampoline with four generations of my family. Some day I want to get a graduate degree, but..in what? It should be something practical, but I’d like to take sociology. But what does one do with such a degree? No, perhaps I should become a nun. You know what’s weird, I really did have that nun comment enter my brain. I certainly don’t want to become a nun. I don’t even know anything about nuns. Why am I going off on this tangent? Now I am thinking about the smell of my deoderant. I don’t wear perfume, but I’ve been wearing the same underarm deoderant for the past fifteen years (Secret Baby Soft, my friends). I think I started wearing it because one of my older sisters used to wear it, and I wanted to be like her. You could say that about a lot of things. Middle-sister, do you still wear that deoderant? Cam says the smell of that deoderant reminds him of me. To him, that is what I smell like I suppose. See how fun this is? Goodbye!
Wait, I am back. It was a premature goodbye. Oh no, I tjust yped a big ramble about a movie scene, but instead I just erased it because no one will understand what I am talking about. There’s a quote or something, a saying I suppose, which goes like so: “Friendship is born the minute one person says to the other, ‘me too.’” I guess what this means is that we like and connect with people who have experienced similar experiences or who like the same things or who feel the same way about things. It is exciting when you get to talking with someone new, and you find that you’ve got a connection about something. I love meeting new people.
Do you think I will hit save? Laura-Jane, should I hit save? I don’t know. I haven’t written in weeks so the choice is to submit this bumbling rambling and let you read it, or simply delete this and write nothing. But I can’t write nothing. Can I?
I just feel feel feel feel feel so good that I’m writing. It’s my favourite thing. To write my thoughts out like this. I don’t know why it feels so good. I get an adrenaline rush from it, I think. My fingers are flying!
Later, later, later, I will decide. For now, I will write more.
No, that was too much pressure. I can’t write more. I have nothing to write about. Whimfield people want to read about life in the country and the birds and the bees. But right now I am not in that head-space. I am in a rigid, practical, citified headspace.
No, I can’t write anymore because I’m just not there yet.
If you read this all the way through and got to the end, please write “popcorn” in the comments. Goodbye.
Sabrina
Apr 1st, 2010
Popcorn. :)
Paul
Apr 22nd, 2010
NACHOS :-)
I don’t like Popcorn, besides, I didn’t feel like writing popcorn, so I decided to write Nachos!!
LOL
Cameron
Apr 1st, 2010
Popco….. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzz
brenna
Apr 14th, 2010
HAHAHAHAHA
jypsy
Apr 1st, 2010
popcorn
sue
Apr 1st, 2010
Popcorn!
Shannon
Apr 1st, 2010
Popcorn!
Liz
Apr 1st, 2010
POPCORN!!!!
I totally understand the rambling post. I get like that at times. It helps to just get all of the static out of your brain like that. Like a deep cleansing breath. I hope you feel better now. :)
Kim
Apr 1st, 2010
I had a cat once who loved popcorn. Buttered, of course.
Melissa
Apr 1st, 2010
POPCORN!
…and…me too…I totally understand.
Carmen Elyse
Apr 2nd, 2010
popcorn :) you really don’t have to cater to our selfish needs of wanting to hear stories of birds and shoveling driveways… i just want to read what you write! whatever it is!
Micheline
Apr 2nd, 2010
Popcorn!
Danielle
Apr 2nd, 2010
POPCORN….I’m a Whimfield reader, and I like the way your blog evolves. Sure we like to hear about life in the country and the birds and the bees and all that, but your reality is what hits home the most I think. We can connect with you and say ME TOO….you’re a great writer, and an honest one. Its lovely. And whatever hurdles you are experiencing and whatever decisions and thoughts, good luck, and keep writing them down…its such therapy.
Kerry
Apr 2nd, 2010
popcorn!
Christine
Apr 2nd, 2010
popcorn xo
Alison
Apr 2nd, 2010
popcorn – and me too :)
Johanna
Apr 2nd, 2010
POPCORN!!!! Life is life we all go through it trying hard to figure out what we want to be when we grow up. I just turned 37 and have realized I don’t like my work. It’s just something I happen to be good at but I don’t like it. So where to go what to do? I have 3 kids to support 15, 12, 9 years of age so there’s no choice but to keep working with the thought that some day I will do something else. I want to move to PEI but how can I do something so selfish when that money needs to go for my kids higher education? Is it selfish to want to be happy in life?
My therapist told me I’m the keeper of the happiness for the family as I’m the one who plans and makes the decisions to travel to PEI for our vacations every other summer or so. I want to go again this year. David is a passive personality leaving things up to me.
URGG just realized how much I rambled on your blog. I think I’ll go now
Johanna
Apr 2nd, 2010
Just wanted to add..Dave is the sweetest guy ever.. I love him so much we have been together since our last year of high school 17 years now. I’m used to his passiveness for the most part but every once in while would love for him to make a decision about the path our lives are taking instead of leaving everything up to me.
N&M
Apr 2nd, 2010
“popcorn”
I love this crazy little entry of yours….and by crazy, I mean good crazy. great crazy. That’s what having a blog is all about.
Middle sister reporting that I’ve moved on to Dove invisible solid – powder scent. Been so for the past 5 to 7 years.
Beverley
Apr 2nd, 2010
Popcorn!!
Laura-Jane…you are so funny. I love everything that comes out of your mouth…rather your fingers!
Bambi
Apr 2nd, 2010
Popcorn. I felt much like you do when I was 28. 38 is a universe away. Enjoy the trip!
melanie
Apr 3rd, 2010
Popcorn!
I have a hard time writing about things while I am going through them too – I totally understand.
Kristen
Apr 3rd, 2010
Popcorn.
As a 19-year-old (almost 20, holy crap) trying to figure out what to do with my life, my stream of thought ends up sounding something like this entry much of the time. Especially when I am supposed to be doing course readings.
Vicki
Apr 3rd, 2010
Popcorn. Life is a series of growth & changes. If we aren’t doing that then we aren’t living. FYI Raw food=no deodorant required!!!Try it!!!
Naomi
Apr 3rd, 2010
popcorn in the comments. Goodbye.
I have pickles in my fridge, I have a trampoline in my back yard and I can arrange for 3 generations of family to come over (hopefully not 4 any time soon)and jump on my trampoline while eating pickles! You can even pet my neglected bunny rabbit! But this can only happen if you come over! So get yourself over here for a sister hug or two! I like this post lots….I can relate. xoxo…
Mom Marjorie
Apr 3rd, 2010
popcorn
I loved your blog – it allows all of us to respond in a carefree manner, too. And I am curious about your ramble about the movie scene!!
Re the nun image in your stream of consciousness:
Did you know that your grandma Connie wanted to be a nun? …Partly because she thought a nunnery would be a quiet place. Here is Connie’s poem titled
AH, SPRING!
Now spring has come, I know I must
Get used to all the noise
Produced by all the slamming doors,
Let loose by neighbours’ boys!!!
Toni
Apr 4th, 2010
popcorn!
Happy Easter Laura-Jane. I love how you ramble, makes me realize how much I miss you. Hope you have a great Easter dinner, whatever you choose to eat ;)
p.s. Next time you visit I will make it a point to eat pickles while jumping on my trampoline with you :)
Michelle
Apr 4th, 2010
Popcorn!
I was thinking… “Where is Laura-Jane going with this post?” and then realized it was just a need to ramble about anything just for the sake of rambling (I think). I do that with my hubs. Drives him nuts but I do believe this was one of the things he fell in love with when he met me.
A funny thing about people… they will say something like “why do you talk so much?” and then when you’re in a rare, quiet mood they’ll take notice and ask why you’re being so quiet. Sigh…
Lisa
Apr 4th, 2010
popcorn girlie.
Freda
Apr 4th, 2010
POPCORN
Happy Easter, Laura-Jane.
I enjoy your rambling and just letting it flow.
I just got back from a week in Hawaii and I thought of you several times when we were out and about to various jaunts, the beach(imaging you being tumbled by the waves), eating pineapple whip and when we took a hike up a mountain to the Waimea Falls, beautiful flowers and the green mountains. I could just picture what you would write about each journey. Maybe you need a field trip!! Travel to the other end of the Island and visit the Potato Museum(if you have not) very interesting.
Smiles and hugs to a sweet unmet friend.
John Quimby
Apr 4th, 2010
popcorn.
…and Old Spice.
mike in ottawa
Apr 4th, 2010
hmm, I was waiting for the part when you start rambling but you are so gifted even your supposed ramblings seem to have some sense to them. Oh yeah, *popcorn*
Tim Boston
Apr 4th, 2010
Popcorn –with no butter – I’m lactose intolerant :.)
You are a good soul no matter what you write… that’s why my wife and I read your blog.
I’m open to different religious and philosophical viewpoints, and this latest post is coincidentally and massively symbolic on this Easter weekend. There is something in even nothing – in fact, there’s more in no-thing than ’some-thing’ – there’s courage and humility. Blemishes, scars, the real story… Philippians 2:7 reads, “He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” It is a humble and open authenticity that ultimately defines the strength of our moral character. And, not external ’somethings’ like power, money, status, and big words. I don’t know if this all makes sense (as I’m tired), but does it really need to anyhow? :.)
Vicki
Apr 5th, 2010
Happy Easter to two of my favourie people. Love you both.
Swapna
Apr 5th, 2010
Popcorn.
Andy Collier
Apr 7th, 2010
My dogs feet smelled like popcorn we she was a puppy….
LB
Apr 12th, 2010
yeah , my dog too!! Now they smell like wet hay :)
Matt Edgett
Apr 9th, 2010
Popcorn.
Popcorning is what it is called when a guinea pig gleefully leaps into the air, wheels about with tiny limbs flailing, and lands facing the other direction.
Somehow appropriate, no?
LB
Apr 12th, 2010
popcorn… the sweet & salty kind!
Jennifer
Apr 13th, 2010
Popcorn.
brenna
Apr 14th, 2010
POOOOOPPPPPPPPCOOOOOOOORN
warren
Apr 15th, 2010
Popcorn is good, and I totally get that “scent thing”. All through college, my wife used Sure deodorant, Pert shampoo and Snuggle dryer sheets…each of those smells is absolutely her.
Anyhow, ramble on some and welcome to spring!
Angela
May 6th, 2010
pop – corn
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Jul 14th, 2010
OMG I love you popcorn people.
vac
Nov 11th, 2010
popcorn… is my son’s favorite food. While true I began reading your blog because it seemed to be about country life, I kept reading it is an insightful look at what happens when you meet your goals and ask… what’s next? Besides, you and Cam are in many ways in the same stages of life as my wife and I. Your experiences are valuable references for our own. Which really is true of all people but you have been kind enough (and brave enough) to share.
Tee
Jun 27th, 2011
POPCORN!!
Wendy
Aug 29th, 2011
POPCORN! “ME TOO!” You are too cute! -and thanks for changing the whimfield blog format back to the old way :)