Coming for a Visit
Posted on 12. Nov, 2009 by Laura-Jane - Whimfield in Personal
This blog as a chronicling of the exterior; of how we look from the outside looking in. This blog is like visiting our house; it’s like getting a guided tour around our lives.
But it’s not a visit inside my head. It’s not necessarily real life. It’s still only what I choose to show.
It’s like when a new friend comes to visit. You show them the tour, but they don’t get to look in your closets or under your bed. You show them the best parts, and you hope they don’t look in your medicine cabinet when they’re in the bathroom with the door shut.
I’ve censored myself. I show what I choose to show. And I choose what to leave out.
It’s like you’re over for a visit, but there are mountains of papers and dust-bunnies and cardboard boxes shoved under the bed and in the closet. I’m starting to worry that, should you take a wrong turn and open the closet door by mistake, you’ll be buried by a cascade of catalogues and wrapping paper and empty egg cartons. The jig will be up.
Last night, while chopping cucumber in our kitchen-that-isn’t-really-a-kitchen, I spazzed at Cam for being the cause of my censorship.
His eyes got smaller and a little more almond-shaped. “You’re totally wrong.” He said. “It’s not me. When have I ever censored you lately?” He asked.
I glared at him.
He continued, “You can write whatever you want.”
I glared at him some more. Slowly, I relaxed my gaze. “Really?” I asked. “Well why have I been so closed lately?”
He shrugged and went back to arranging chopped radishes.
And then I proceeded to unleash a tirade of pent up angst about this blog… People know us. This blog is not anonymous. We’re running businesses. I can’t just open my medicine cabinet and yell, “Here it is, everybody. Have a look!”
I’m not that brave.
I clenched my jaw and walked out of the kitchen, my cucumber–half-cut–still lying on the cutting board.
Gary Gray
Nov 13th, 2009
Hi L-J
I had a great morning at Mr. Lea’s class. Thanks for being there too and reading your blog post. (the pictures turned out great too)
Maybe you will get some new readers and it sounded like we inspired them to do something tangible like a class blog, or a book, or something.
Nice post but tell me, is it Cam or fear of the unknown that restricts your writing? (that is IF it is restricted) Oh and I am sure as far as houses go, for that lived in look, I must take the prize. Of course you know that if I could, I would ban the dust bunnies, Pack away the papers,magazines,catalogs,books etc. etc, and just sit in the middle of my living room twiddling my thumbs all day long. You know that I would.
ha,ha,ha,
Have a great day,
Smiles :o)
Gary
P.S If there are any caregivers in your readers here is the link to our Stroke Caregivers Fan Page on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/strokecaregivers/164146583926?ref=sgm
Go ahead check it out.
GG
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 13th, 2009
I had a great time at the reading too, Gary. I was very impressed with their enthusiasm and interest in each and every one of us. They were a good class.
Hmm. What actually restricts my writing? This is a good point. I think I don’t want to disappoint people. I want you to think that everything works out perfectly and that life is perfect in the country. But, of course, nobody’s perfect.
Gary, I could never see you twiddling your thumbs. I can’t even imagine what you would get up to if there were more hours in the day!
Allan Rubenstein
Nov 13th, 2009
Enjoy your blog…have a long-standing interest in writing on rural issues from the urbanite point of view. You might want to look at 2 books published in 1979-1980 by Noel Perrin, First Person Rural and Second Person Rural – very popular at the time, same topic.
If you’re interested, I will send you a copy of Farm Wanted, written by Helen Train Hilles in 1951, now way out of print, about a converted barn in upstate NY I used to own.
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 13th, 2009
Hi Allan,
I’ve never heard of First Person Rural or Second Person Rural. I’ll have to check those out. I too enjoy reading about this topic.
I would absolutely love to read Farm Wanted. I’d be honored to receive a copy.
Sayantanee From India.
Nov 13th, 2009
Hi laura,
You know even people who sweep 24 by 7, can get rid of all the dust of this huge world!!!
So enjoy your dust piles!
At least you’re having fun!
:-)
And your readers are too, reading about you.
Sayantanee From India.
Nov 13th, 2009
I meant cant get rid of….!!!
:-(
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 13th, 2009
Hi Sayantanee! I will try to enjoy my dust-bunnies… :)
Andy Collier
Nov 13th, 2009
Why is censoring yourself in this situation (a blog) a bad thing? It’s nice to have that kind of control over part of your life, since your close friends and family probably know all the dust bunnies in your soul anyways….
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 13th, 2009
This is a good point and you come from a point of view that I hadn’t really considered. I guess I feel unhappy about it because blogging is a kind of therapy for me–always has been. It’s a way to get my feelings out and express myself. Because I feel like I can’t express all of me, I feel stifled or frustrated or like something is wrong. There are little blogging goblins inside me that want to get out. But perhaps you’re right that the goblins are where they belong. :)
Gary Gray
Nov 13th, 2009
Hi
Blogging goblins? Oh my! Why oh why, can’t I imagine blogging goblins? Why oh why?
he he
Here are the pictures from our day at Mr. Lea’s creative writing class.
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/photo_search.php?oid=98347554794&view=all
Smiles :o)
Gary
sassymonkey
Nov 13th, 2009
It’s hard when everyone knows your name (no matter what the Cheers theme song says). I’m struggling with this too, and have been for ages. Personal blogging is hard most of the time but even harder when you are “exposed.” I know my censorship comes from me. That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
Kerry
Nov 13th, 2009
Choosing to blog about your life’s journey opens you up to the world to a certain extent. But there are private thoughts and areas of life that should remain unexplained and unexposed to your audience. Why should we know or see it all?
I know you have stopped short of showing us the inside of your house, for example. Perhaps as the rooms become finished, this will change. Or maybe, they shall remain your private domain, unexplored by the world-at-large and only imagined. I think it’s brave of you to divulge your feelings about your journey and it’s an inspiration to all who yearn to follow in your footsteps. It’s been a joy to read your story, dust bunnies and all..
Amanda
Nov 13th, 2009
What a balance! I too know what you’re talking about. And there are days when I think of shutting down my blog and just slipping into privacy of a quiet farm life. Privacy vs. vulnerability. It’s a very careful trapeze act.
But share what you can. I always enjoy reading your blog! Thanks for writing this post.
Amber
Nov 14th, 2009
Interesting post… have you gone from writing the blog for yourself to writing it for your readers?
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 16th, 2009
Very astute comment, Amber. This is the question, I think!
Rodney Smith
Nov 15th, 2009
I was discussing with another couple how the phenomenon of Facebook has allowed many people to put themselves “out-there” in ways that are similar to blogging.
Through this tool we take on the role of propaganda machines for ourselves, carefully crafting what we show others.
“Hey, look how many friends I have, look what’s on my mind right now (and five minutes ago, and 15 minutes before that, and look what I had for breakfast), and here are a bunch of photos of all the cool things I do!”
And hey, I love Facebook, so it’s not a criticism, just an observation. As anyone who knows me will tell you, I’m quite happy to point a camera at myself and post the results all over the internet in triplicate.
At the same time, we know friends, strangers, potential clients, etc, have access to these propaganda tools and we respond accordingly, maybe not even consciously. It plays some role in forcing a kind of censorship on ourselves, perhaps even a sensible form of censorship, as Andy Collier says.
But no matter how sensible the constraint, I would guess it makes you feel like you are unable to get the full therapeutic result you imagine may result if these forms of self-censorship didn’t exist.
Perhaps?
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 16th, 2009
This is totally true. How does one decide where to draw the line? Do we only share things that put us in a positive light (or topics that we *think* shed us in a positive light)?
For me, Rodney, I think you’re bang-on with your last paragraph as well.
Rodney Smith
Nov 15th, 2009
PS. I saw Cam in the paper with a curling trophy! Congrats to him! Another reminder that I’m calling behind in my efforts to get out on the ice with a broom!
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 16th, 2009
Curling! Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You shall curl!
Uncle Wally
Nov 15th, 2009
IF you were to lay a soundtrack over the Whimfield Blog – what would it be? A number of songs some to mind, Into The Mystic, Goin’ Back to the Country, or perhaps this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ig-ZF1-qoQ
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 16th, 2009
Absolutely beautiful, Uncle Wally. I wasn’t feeling very emotional or relaxed when I clicked the link, but this song and (presentation of the musicians) was surprisingly moving. I especially love the beginning of the song and the chorus. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, the power of music!
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 16th, 2009
Ooooooh, and the climactic part near the end. This is great music.
Rodney Smith
Nov 16th, 2009
The Swell Season. Great choice. Go see “Once”. Great movie.
Brianne W
Nov 16th, 2009
I started reading your blog sometime last year. I am also from the West Coast of BC as well and all i can say is that i truely dream of moving to PEI one day and your blog totally opened my eyes to the reality of that. I am a farm girl that works in agriculture but is living in an apartment that i pay way to much for and i totally can’t stand it. Maybe in a few years my boyfriend and i will be able to make the trek across canada as well. Just maybe :)
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 19th, 2009
No maybes about it! If you really want it, sit down, figure out what it’s going to take, and start planning. You might make a list of, like, fifty things that have to happen first (like, graduate from university and work for five years, for example), but soon enough you’ll get things done. Things don’t happen overnight, but if you don’t make a plan it won’t happen! Plus, planning is the best part! Overused but highly relevant quote “Life is not just a destination. It’s the journey.”
Brianne W
Nov 20th, 2009
Thanks Laura-Jane, i really appreciate your reply. My number one goal before moving is i would like to travel across canada and back. Probably not next year but hopefully by 2012 we can do it. Then i would like to sell my apartmen and move somewhere where i can have land of my own. Its not much, but looking at how many goals i have already achieved i know this is possible too :). Thanks again
Vicki
Nov 18th, 2009
Cam, you got a trophy??! Hey, brag a little!!
Vicki
Nov 18th, 2009
Great idea Uncle Wally lets have a theme song contest!! What do you think LJ?
Laura-Jane - Whimfield
Nov 19th, 2009
But of course! I love contests… :P How should we do this?
Heather
Nov 20th, 2009
New reader to your blog and love it. Wanted to comment that what I like about reading a blog like yours is the reality of it. I have dust bunnies and crammed closets too –
On another note didn’t you have something about making Rag Rugs on your site a while ago? I cannot find it and am making a rug and was hoping I could read it.
thanks – love the blog
Sal
Dec 6th, 2009
Tiger Woods….
And no one comes to my house, because I am a terrible housekeeper and that’s the way I like it.
And I don’t cook either. And I am over weight – that is why there are just shoes on my FaceBook – very cool shoes though.
Get over it, you are far too pretty to care what others think.
And we love your blog. Stay in the public eye and censor all you want.