Why Bother? Because It Feels So Good to Love and Be Loved
Posted on 08. Sep, 2008 by Laura-Jane - Whimfield in Inspirations, Life Dream, Personal
Yesterday, I asked the question, “Why bother?” I wondered why people bother to love who they love and write what they write and do what they do. Because…wouldn’t it just be easier to stay home all alone and eat chocolate-mint cookies?
Well, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about why I bother.
And there are a lot of reasons why I bother. But the fundamental, primary reason came about when I was sixteen.
Growing up, I’d had friends. Good friends. I was even lucky enough to have a best girl friend who got me.
But at sixteen my best friend and I drifted apart. I was lost. I smoked cigarettes. I was unpopular, depressed, and I knew of no one who thought me even remotely interesting. Nobody liked me. I was “weird” and not worth bothering with. I went home at recess and lunch by myself. I was flunking out of school.
A teenager in small town Canada, I often joined up with a group of rag-tag no-gooders who, like me, were unpopular, depressed, and smoked du Maurier Extra Lights.
One night, as our group roved across a number of parking lots, we merged with another group of like-minded, disgruntled teenagers.
Our groups merged for the evening, and we explored the dark nooks and crannies of our small town together, intermingling amongst ourselves.
This new bunch of strangers were all male, and one of them looked out of place.
“Hello, what’s this?” I asked myself. “Who is the tall, dark-haired one who looks far too delightful to be hanging out with us?”
He was quiet and didn’t say too much. But when he laughed, it was genuine. He seemed wise, and I liked him immediately.
And from that night on, our two groups merged–as teenage cliques are wont to do–often meeting in one parking lot or the next.
And so I got to know the tall one. We didn’t talk too much, but I knew that I liked him.
One night, I wandered the parking lots alone, looking for one unruly teen or another to share a cigarette with.
By myself, I turned a corner, and there he was. And he was alone. (We’d never been alone before.)
And so we sat down on the curb and talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. And that was it; I stayed out far past my curfew, and he walked me all the way home.
After that night, the next ten years of my life were spent with him.
His name was Cameron. And we’re still together. Right now he’s applying mortar to a hearth in our living room. He is my love. He is why I bother.
At sixteen, when no one else cared, he thought I was fascinating. Beautiful. Funny. Intelligent. He encouraged me in every way. And he amazed me with his quiet enthusiasm and wise words. (And that beautiful face.)
With his confidence in me, I went from almost flunking out of high school to graduating with straight As (well, except for in math, of course).
And over the years we grew together. We went to University. We both found fine, upstanding jobs.
And then we realized that we were beginning to lose our connection. I left the house before he woke up. I worked long hours, and I came home irritable and exhausted. The weekends weren’t long enough, and we didn’t have the time to connect as much as we used to.
But we knew that what we had was still there and still so strong. We would look at each other with such love and say, “I’m sorry. I’m just so tired and there’s not enough time.”
So we bothered. We bothered to change our lives so that we wouldn’t grow too far apart. We gave up our condo, our car, our jobs, and everything we had built.
We chose to move thousands of kilometres away so that we could afford to spend our days together.
Over the past nine months we’ve spent almost every waking hour together. We work on the house together every day. Sometimes it’s in a good-natured silence, but more often than not it’s happy banter and as fun as anything I can imagine.
So, yes, we bother to love and be loved. To have someone know you and hold you and love you and support you is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it’s hard; but it’s always worth it.
Vicki
Sep 9th, 2008
Thanks for sharing. How very touching & after 10 years still so in love!!
Beverley
Sep 9th, 2008
Laura-Jane…I have a big lump in my throat. What a beautiful love story. You two are a truly inspirational.
Jennifer
Sep 9th, 2008
Beautiful. Than you for sharing such a touching and personal story!
Nicole
Sep 10th, 2008
Absolutely glorious! Congrats on being one of the “lucky” ones. :-)
Mike Blackburn
Sep 10th, 2008
Best thing you have written about so far. I found your blog because you where working on a home renovation and moving to the country like us. But, I don’t think that is why I will keep reading.
Thanks for reminding me “Why I bother”. It helped…
SmilingJudy
Sep 11th, 2008
Beautifully written! Very lovely. And what a wonderful reminder to us all.
I knew a boy like this once, but I was not as lucky (nor smart) as you to hold on. Kudos to you for making it work and treasuring what you have.
Laura-Jane
Sep 11th, 2008
Thank you for your kind words, lovely people…
J. T. Glover
Sep 12th, 2008
That’s a lovely story, and well told. Congratulations on staying together once you’d found each other, and making the choices necessary to do so. I know too many people who don’t make the time, or who tell themselves there will be time to connect tomorrow, and instead spend their lives on what only seems urgent.
N&M
Sep 20th, 2008
Wow. love this entry. love the picture of Cam at the top – I thank him so much for rescuing my sister. I’m so happy that you’re happy.
Toni
Sep 26th, 2008
Hahahahahhaha. That’s a sweet pic. I think that’s why I miss you so much.
xoxoxox
p.s. Hot Cam in the first pic, you should frame that one
mom Marjorie
Dec 5th, 2008
I was so moved by this outpouring when it first appeared (September 8th)that I could not even comment. But, now, thrown back to this page from Bird Love (December 4th, 2008) I just have to say… bless the fates that gave me this beautiful soul for a daughter. (and need I say, my three beautiful daughters and their great choices in their mates…).
Amanda
Dec 7th, 2008
I appreciate your story. I appreciate that you made a choice to bother with each other. It’s encouraging in a world of divorce that some people choose not to give up.
Thanks!
CWJ
Jan 12th, 2009
Yup. It’s pieces like this that caught my attention, and keep me reading you, Laura-Jane. You’re doing it right.
sandrar
Sep 10th, 2009
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.
Sal
Oct 11th, 2009
Laura-Jane, you make my heart ache.
I love Cameron. I love you.
You craft words into sentences. You are a Mistress of Meaning. You are deep and gentle and Cameron and you are Destiny.
Lorraine
Oct 29th, 2009
This was very inspirational to me
Hope that others perceive it in the same way
vivian grace
Nov 3rd, 2009
I love this story, Laura-Jane. It’s so beautiful. The love that you and Cameron have for each other is wonderful. Thank you for sharing! :)
Barry
Nov 20th, 2009
Thanks Laura-Jane
I needed that! As an islander living way down south in Georgia, it has reminded me of what is most important in life. I hope when i am back to visit on The Island i can meet u both in person. You give us hope and a touch of home.
Take good care of yourselves!
Barry
Whimfield, Modern Pre Industrial Living in Prince Edward Island at Canada Blog Friends
Dec 24th, 2009
[...] One of the most popular posts on Whimfield is the long version of how they met. The story …It Feels So Good To Love and Be Loved define their characters to readers, as it relates how they themselves defined their characters. [...]
Johanna
Feb 7th, 2010
I have been reading your blog from the beginning since finding it yesterday.This post touched me. I too have that person in my life. I come from an abusive background, I was not wanted nor loved. In my final year of high school I met Dave. He never said much but we really got along. He loved me and I could not believe it. I went to college and he went to university in a different city. That year apart was hard. He moved in with me the next spring and we have been together now for 17 years.
He gave me a reason to bother. His unspoken expectation that I would become an equal partner in the relationship, that I could do something great and beautiful made me want to be that for him and for myself. I have grown so much because of his understanding and acceptance that the best you can do is the best you can do, but maybe tomorrow you can do better.
I’m not saying he’s perfect because he’s not, but we get along so well and know and accept each other for who and what we are.
We are now raising three beautiful children who know they are loved and wanted.
Thank you for this blog.
We bought a century house 9 years ago and have been doing some of the very renovations you have.
Good luck and I’ll keep reading
Johanna
Glen Housel
Mar 1st, 2010
Lots of Fantastic information in your posting, I favorited your blog so I can visit again in the future, Cheers, Glen Housel